Getting and Staying Married

Symptom Assessment and Commitment and Covenant Marriage

Symptom Assessment and Commitment and Covenant Marriage

 

*Assessment Interview*

* Does the couple you are counseling have a contractual, or a covenant marriage? The following questions will help to assess the situation of their marriage, and their hearts.

* Have you even heard of a covenant marriage?

* Do you know the difference between a contract and a covenant?

* Are you willing to do what is necessary to build a healthy, life-long marriage?

* Can you think of any example of covenants between God and his people in the Bible?

* If so, what characteristics do those covenants have that make them so powerful?

* Would you like to have that sort of commitment in your marriage?

*Wise Counsel*

It has been said that the purpose of a legally-binding covenant marriage is to provide persons more security in the fact their spouse is committed to building a good marriage with them, through thick and thin.

Politically, a covenant marriage is considered a response to rising divorce rates and ˜no-fault divorce rates.

A couple desiring to participate in a legal covenant marriage agrees (1) to obtain pre-marital counseling, and (2) to accept more limited grounds for divorce; such as abuse, abandonment, or adultery.

Legal covenant Marriages are currently available in Arkansas, Arizona, and Louisiana.

Legislation has been introduced but not passed in California, Florida, Georgia, Indiana, Iowa, Kansas, Maryland, Minnesota, Mississippi, Missouri, Nebraska, New Mexico, Oklahoma, South Carolina, Oregon, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Virginia, Washington, and West Virginia.

Opponents of covenant marriages argue that women might become trapped in unhealthy or abusive marriages for it can be difficult to prove allegations of abuse to a judge to grant a divorce. However, it is currently still possible for a person in a covenant marriage to file for divorce in a state that does not recognize covenant marriages.

*Action Plan*

The action plan for this section is somewhat different than the others in this guide. It is different because the main action to be done is to communicate to the Married couple (or the couple to be) what a covenant marriage is–what responsibilities and benefits their marriage will have by making a sound commitment to a covenant marriage and preparing them for that commitment. This is described below.

*A Covenant Marriage is Serious.*

The Hebrew word for covenant is berith, which connotes a cutting of the flesh causing blood to flow out. The Hebrew act of cutting covenant was so serious that it was inaugurated with blood. The shedding of the blood of sacrificed animals in the Old Testament and of the blood of Jesus on the Cross were acts of covenant. In the Old Testament, covenants were so serious that God held accountable those who broke covenant.

In Malachi, God identified marriage as a covenant that cannot be broken without serious consequences. God takes very seriously the breaking of the marriage covenant (Mal. 2:13″16). The Bible tells us that God, on request, will set aside the covenant for only two reasons: adultery and death.

*A Covenant Marriage is Sacred.*

A covenant was the most serious, the most sacred, and the most solemn agreement that could be made between human beings. It is a sacred act for a man and a woman to enter into a covenant relationship before God, family, and friends. God holds us accountable for the vows we make to each other on our Wedding day. Promises made at the wedding altar allow entrance into a sacred covenant whose terms are witnessed by God Himself. Christian marriage is a triangle it takes three for two to become one.

*A Covenant Marriage is Sacrificial.*

There is no such thing as covenant without sacrifice, and marriage is designed to be the most sacrificial of all Relationships. Covenant represents total surrender and involves the merging of ones life into another. This biblical image of two becoming one does not deny personal identity, but it allows the development of a wonderful diversity.

The Old Testament covenant ceremony involved a walk of death that constitutes the core issue of covenant. An animal was killed and split down the middle. The covenant participants would walk in a figure eight between the halves of the animal, reciting the duties of the covenant, and returning to face each other. The figure eight, a symbol of eternity, was an acknowledgment that the covenant was forever. This covenantal walk of death said two important things:

(1) I am dying to myself and giving up the rights to my individual life in order to become one with my covenant partner;

(2) I am, in effect, pointing to the dead animal and saying to God, Please kill me if I break this covenant.

Selfishness is the root cause of all marital conflicts. Online therapy can be helpful to get rid of such problems.

 

Therefore, the key to a successful and lasting marriage is for the individuals wills to die. It takes a lot of dying for a marriage to live. Me-ness must become we-ness. The more unselfish we are, the happier we will be in our marriage. Take help from telephone counselor.

 

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